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El Gran Orgo

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causing me to type with one hand is not as cool as typing with two hands. so i'm over this entry.
Current Mood:
contemplative contemplative
Current Music:
radiohead
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Life is amazing, life is great, blah blah blah. Holiday season's totally making me feel cheerful, and saying nice things to people I usually don't say anything to. So what the fuck is this piece of lame feel shitty emotion doing in my head.




:( Emo post about a girl I guess.

I pretty much feel like I don't know how much I can like you. I feel like if I show you too much that I like you I'll scare you away. Its either that, or you're just playing with me and I'm completely eating it up whether I'm aware of it or not. I love playing along, even when I know. And against you, I know I'll lose. I mean, that is, if we're even playing a game... haha

This is just an awesome insecure internal battle. I don't know what to do with myself. Some great shit, feeling great during the holidays with nothing really dragging you down, except your own insecurity.

Because, for all I know, this shit's all in my head. Just something I created to feel shitty about.

I think I need some security? And maybe I just realllllllllllllllly really like this girl, And want it to be mutual.










What I really want, is to just let go of it all, and just go with it all. (and that applies to so much)


And way to go on listening to ATDI! Best thing I've done all day :)






I wish I could just write down everything that was bothering me, just so I could figure out what it all was and try to come up with a solution.
Current Mood:
confused confused
Current Music:
at the drive-in
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I think I love life. Not that I haven't before. But right now more than anything, I feel like I have a legitimate direction. And shit isn't even working out all the way!

I want to somehow at least halfway pursue art in my life. I don't want art to ever leave me. I don't know if I can make a legitimate career out of it, but then again what's so legitimate about me? hahaha!

I love my situation with a certain someone, we get it we get it we get it. And that's why we love it. We're no more than what we have to be, and we get it. We know we want to be with eachother, and that's enough. Fuck what everyone else want's to know, wants to say. Cause it really don't matter to everyone else!



Lol another plus, me and my mom were fighting (my fault): she's really starting to see that I need to move out. I'm afraid they're gonna worry too much if I don't move out sooner than later. And I'm really stressing them out. And I DON'T want to do that so much anymore haha.
I love them so much, but I'm so much my own person, I'd rather be out of sight out of mind than being who I am (which they don't necessarily care for) in front of them all the time.


Hey! Go Life! hahaha

ah hopefully i come back here and talk about more shit. shit shit shit. haha
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First of all, fuck myself. I'm not doing even close enough to doing everything (that I want to be doing) in my life that I need to be doing. Just to get my life in order kind of shit. I fucking smoke too much weed, I don't come home enough, and I don't organize my money. All things I can take care of i'd just fucking do it. I'm sick of not doing it.

My ___ is a fucking bitch sometimes, but she does everything for us. SHe's messed up my life in ways I can't get into, but she's always gonna be there me, she's always gonna take care of me, even if it's her way and I don't agree with it, she'll be there. I love her. And I'm a fucking bitch for not putting enough effort back. She needs help.


Girls, I don't even fucking know. I thought it was a good idea keep my head focussed on a keeper, but i was never sure if I would be right for the otherside. Nothing was wrong with this one, that's why all the guys love her. Its more about me being right for her haha. And I knew it at certain points, but then thought, no I could be good enough. But I don't think I am, and she obviously doesn't. I don't have anything against not feelin me, because that's just how people are. You can't just like someone, just because the other person does. But fuckkkkkkkkk, i wanted it pretty bad, and tried to hold on, but I'm over it now. No need on dragging it on. I wish I just didn't fuckin Dish out 300 bucks for that shit. seriously. Its not that I'm cheap, but I would have rather put that in the bank, that I owe fucking 200 dollars. There you have it.

and fuckkkkkkkkkkk, the girls I didn't even try to talk to, just cause I wanted to wait a little.. I wasted my own time I guess thinking on this ONE.



And Idk If I'm just a stupid bitch or not, whining, insecure or not, but my friends, most of them, irk me in little ways I don't understand!

Dude nombre 1, I have a pretty good idea of how you think, no I don't know exactly, but I have a good idea. I know when you'd be down for shit, and I see when you make stupid excuses not to do them, that cause problems because then plans are not working out, and then when the last minutes are ticking away, before its ALMOST too late to get back into whatever, you're like SHIT LETS DO IT. Why the fuck do you make stupid excuses not to do something when later on in the day you're %100. That just a whole bunch of nonsense to deal with. Fuck that man, make up your mind more, think shit through. You're a smart guy nonetheless, I hope once your family cuts you off with money, if that happens, you do great.

Dude nombre 2, I don't get you, but then I do. I as a matter of fact understand you. But that's why we live here, to not be like the people we left. I mean keep our heritage and shit yeah, but don't be closed minded fucks on that rock. Whatever, you do stupid things sometimes, but you're really on your shit for the most part. I really respect that.


I honestly don't even know. Do I expect to much from people? I don't really get mad at people, irritated maybe, but seriously, common sense guys.









I hate thinking about how I'd be in someone elses situation. Whether there situation is better or worse, I should be able to do what I want regardless of my situation. I just need to work hard enough to get over any obstacles in my life.













I don't even know how to say everything. I can't even say everything. You couldn't even hear everything.
Current Mood:
sad sad
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YOU'RE SO FUCKING DEAD! YOU'RE NOT COOL ANYMORE. YOU DO NOTHING FOR ME.

but I'm prolly still gonna use you as much as I ever do, which is just at random spontaneous times.

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I control the cruise."

"I gotta get me to da money. to da money. to da money."

lol

Lil Weezy.

There was some deep stuff I wanted to cover about life. But right now it's too deep for the amount of time I have to explain.

Anyway, I think I'm headed in the right direction. My "philosophies" take me through my life, even though life and the world itself doesn't really change.

Wish me luck on my last final. !

Good luck to everyone else.

Current Mood:
exhausted exhausted
Current Music:
Bone Thugs & Harmony- Thuggish Ruggish Bone
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I know I made a mistake. But when I'm trying so hard to progress I keep having all these stupid draw backs, that I guess I make myself.

I'm so financially fucked up right now, I just can't take it anymore. I just wanna be working towards a more financially secure lifestyle where I don't have to worry about if I can even buy fucking dollar burger at McDonalds. And I just keep fucking myself up. My credit cards been over its limit since last year, while I maintain shitty minimum payments, because that's all I can afford. I just over drafted my bank account 200 dollars, and I don't get paid until friday. But the sad thing is, is that I get automatic electronic deposit, so once my check gets in, I lose that 200 dollars. When I already owe a combination of people almost 100 dollars.

I know it's my fault the shit over drafted, but then again their ATM let me withdraw 50 dollars more than my actual balance one night. I saw what my balance was when I overdrew it, and it said it had the correct amount, it's just a payment didn't go through until later on. So getting my money out of that ATM, believing I still had money in the account even after the withdrawel, led me to believe I could spend just a little bit more money on food and whatever. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

I keep trying to bring myself up and up, but it seems like I'm staying at the same low level, if not at times getting worse.

I don't even really spend money on myself, except to eat and stuff. I mean here and there I spend a few bucks, but I really really keep it to a decent minimum.

I don't fucking get it.



I guess more than ever I need to get myself driving.. As much as it'll improve, it'll still mean a lot more money out of my pocket :(



Money isn't what matters me, but right now I need it just to get my shit straight. I hate how this shit works.







FUCK i'm so mad sad pissed ugh. I don't think I ask for too much, I just want what I need. :(
Current Location:
home
Current Mood:
depressed depressed
Current Music:
christmas music
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I've got a lot of emotion with no words to express them the way I want to.

I can see things looking up. Way up!

I wanna say I've quit smoking today. But I can't say I've actually done it, until It's actually been done. Don't get me wrong, it's not the end, or at least I don't think it should be. But for right now, I should be alright with out it.

Current Mood:
happy happy
Current Music:
early november
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You've done it again. You've won over my heart, and my money. No girl can even compare. 'Cept maybe a girl in the Bay.

I had an awesome trip. We all just had a great time. Met up with old friends, and shared the Bay Area with some friends who've never been.

Nothing's really changed, but I'm kinda content with how things are. I think I just really needed this time away.

Current Mood:
happy happy
Current Music:
THE EARLY NOVEMBER
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a good majority of you guys are probably not my good friends.

What's kind of worse is that some of you might have been at one point.

I think that sucks. But what can you do about people these days?

Current Mood:
cold cold
Current Music:
postal service
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