I've been playing guitar a lot. Or at least trying to play a lot. I don't wanna put it down for long ever again.
I didn't come home last night after telling my mom I'd come home. We got fucked up etc, whatever. So she tells me to come home when she knows I have work at 12:30, so we can talk about shit. After that, she tells me she can't take me to work because she doesn't have gas. What the fuck is that? If you can't take me to work, why did you tell me to come all the way home. I had a ride to work when I was at my friends house. Now I have to fucking take the bus for 2 hours.
Some great mother fucking bullshit.
I'm sick of a lot of shit right now, and it seems like things aren't going to generally get better anytime soon.
Is a lot of fun.
I hope to leave it soon, eventually. Or somewhere around there.
Im In JAPAN mothafuckaz
I just don't know what to say.
I've got all this shit to do, and I haven't been the least productive. I don't know what's going on with me. I know part of it is I have to figure out all of this confusing shit by myself, and I'm just not commiting as much as I need to, but whatever. I don't know what is my fault, and I don't know what is. I know that what I'm taking care of is the result of things that are not my fault.
I just don't know where to stand right now, and I guess figuring that out and figuring out how to deal with all of it is the real journey right now. That goes for life as a whole too I guess.
I hate this block in my head.
1. Leave me a comment saying something random, like the lyrics from your current favorite song, favorite scent, or your favorite kind of sandwich. Something random. Whatever you like.
2. I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can get to know you better.
3. Reply with your answers and update your journal with the answers to the questions.
4. Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions.
Questions by Alex
1. How's Guam going?
2. Are you really coming back next chance you get, or are you just pulling my leg?
3. What are you going to do once you get back? the semester starts on the 27th bro.
4. Would you be down to take a road trip with me?
5. Where are you going to stay at once you come home?
shit i'm going to ask you five more cause you're lucky
1. Favorite movie?
2. Will you be driving when you get back?
3. Favorite sexual position?
4. Are you in love? If so, with who?
5. Which is better: Guam or Vegas?
1.I've experienced a lot. It's been very educational towards Life.
2.Your legs are pretty buff, but I need to come back. My current plan in life is to be Las Vegas. I just don't really know when I'll be back.
3.I don't know what's my status on going back to school. It really depends on how late I get back. My ultimate goal was school, but my life compass is pointing at a semester of work. Which is ok for now.
4.I really wanna go to california at any chance I get. That could me multiple times. Yes (even if not Cali).
5.My mom has a sweet condo on Pebble and Eastern. Soon as I get back, I'll be having a BBQ, which you'll be attending.
The extra Five:
1. Fight Club I think hands down. But whatever else is in my Myspace list is on the list.
2. No :( But I've been driving a little!
3. The kind with my dick in an attractive female's STD-free oriface.
4. I still love Grace, like before. However I consider myself to be very single and on the market.
5. Guam is better. I think Vegas is horrible shit. I just love my friends and what i've come to be familiar with there.
So the soonest I can leave Guam would be the 29th, 30th, or somewhere around there.
IDK. I wish I had like 3 thousand dollars. Haha. Then Right now I wouldn't give a fuck about a whole lot. I'd just take care of what needed to get taken care of.
But hey, that's not the right way to be thinking.
I don't know what I need to do. I'm really just stuck. School starts on wednesday here. I'm not planning on going to school here... NOW. If school started later, then maybe I'd consider it.
I'm probably gonna end up not going to school this semester, and that really wasn't my plan. I can still make it though if I make it back to Vegas the first week of september. buttfuck, I don't know.
There's still so much more for me to do here on Guam, that I don't really know if I should be leaving. I think I should just stay and finish it all, and when I go back to Vegas just work, MORE. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
These kind of decisions are so hard to make, because my actions affect other people. People are fucking depending on me for certain things, and I'm in the middle of it all. I can't just choose to do something, because I gotta do this for that reason and this for that person. Wtf.
I'm not making things any easier, but if it was just me, I could be doing something right now. Other peoples circumstances are kinda dragging me down. I accept what I have, I just kinda wish I didn't have it all though.
I just wanna go back to Vegas, Go to school, Enjoy some awesome shows, see my friends, and get on with life.
Being in the kinda situation right now is just dragging me on, and I'm not progressing anywhere, just yet. all I know is I'm here for another 2 weeks minimum, so I rush anything.
Hey, maybe I get to see Katchafire. That'll be one plus.
I'm not mad, frustrated or anything. I'm just kinda like shit.. I could be in such a better position right now.
I'm ok with what I've got, I just feel like (and I kinda know) that if I did some things just in the recent past, just put myself in this or that situation, I could be where I want to be. I could have things just a LITTLE better.
But like I said, I'm ok with what I've got! I love life. Good or bad. Can't stress it enough.
Biba Guam. Biba Tiyan. Biba Radio Barrigada! yeah baby.
As far as life goes. I'm a LIFER.
vegas in a week???? I hope!?!...! ugh. gimmegimmegimme that purp. It's waiting for me! oh mann purp<3
Lol, I got harry potter. I'm excited, I guess.
Ok. Man, I love my family. At least the smart ones. The kaduku ones, fuck them. Unless I'm supposed to love them. So much love and so much lack thereof being yelled at each other. Wow. I don't know.
But my cousin really put it in perspective for me last night, this trip to Guam, no matter what made me realize a whole lot of shit about myself and my family. I used to be the little kid that was just a piece of shit brat, that the older cousins were like "that's just Trent." Now I can kick back drink a beer smoke a joint, and have a bad ass conversation. He told me he's glad I came out this summer. That made me glad I came out this summer.
I don't like to sound dumb, but whatever; he said I can be real, I outgrew how I used to be, and I'm doing alright where I am. I'm happy, at least to a certain point, that I've been able to enjoy the moments that I have with all my family that I was unable to before because of the age/maturity barrier we had before.
I'm not saying I'm one helluva mature adult, cause fuck that, I know I'm immature in senses I don't even realize. But at the same time I know can handle certain situations now that I didn't. My perspective is broader. This real world is a bitch, a lot of shit I don't know.
And I happily accept that.
My dad who says a lot of B.S. not all of it bad, a lot of it funny, whatever, says a lot of the time:
"Life is what happens while you're making other plans."
That's supposed to be John Lennon or Paul McCartney. I don't give a fuck who said it, but that's the truth in a lot of sense.
Man, I can't wait to go back to Vegas. So now I'm gonna attempt to tackle a few more steps that's its gonna take to get me there.
But then I figured out that there really is a lot of shit going on that makes me feel like this.
I gotta fucking stop putting myself in these awkward situations. I don't give a fuck about a lot of things, but maybe it's time to give a fuck just a little bit more than usual.
FUCK. there's one.
All I can say legitimately, honestly, from the heart etc. is Guam is bad ass. I hope it doesn't fall to shit with it's ridiculous government officials. Hey military buildup! Maybe that'll make things better, but maybe it'll fuck things up a whole lot more. I've got 5-10 years to wait on that.
When I do leave this rock again, which should be soon, within the next couple weeks, and at the latest August, I just better get my shit together.
Whether I just keep saying it or I actually do it. I wanna get my shit together. I know what I'm capable of, and I know what I want to do. Put 1 and 1 together and get 2. Hey if I get 3 then fuck I'm still down. I just don't wanna end up with nothing.
And remember: If you legalize it, I will advertise it. I promise.